


Whumptober 2020

by GalekhXigisi



Series: the same 3 donatello headcanons i adore in collection [7]
Category: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018)
Genre: Angst, Autistic Donatello (TMNT), Blood and Injury, Hella spelling errors n shit, Insomnia, Intrusive Thoughts, Menstruation, Nightmares, Non-Binary Michelangelo (TMNT), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape/Non-con Elements, Stabbing, These are written on my phone so pls forgive the ick, Trans Donatello (TMNT)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:55:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26874034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalekhXigisi/pseuds/GalekhXigisi
Summary: Donnie-centric whumptober
Relationships: Donatello & Leonardo & Michelangelo & Raphael (TMNT)
Series: the same 3 donatello headcanons i adore in collection [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1923205
Comments: 4
Kudos: 54





	1. Day 1 - stabbed

**Author's Note:**

> Im late but here's my rottmnt contribution loves

Leo frowns. 

Its kind of ironic in a hilariously  _ terrible  _ at, if he's going to be frank. 

Getting stabbed by his own sword?  _ Ha!  _ Not the great Leon! He would  _ never! _

And yet, here he is, watching with a strained laugh as Donnie falls silent in the middle of the battle, already working to repair the wound. 

He knows what Donnie is doing and watching his brother steel himself to repair the damages makes Leo's stomach twist. He knew Donnie felt obligated as the "older" twin (Splinter had already admitted the only reason he chose their ages was because of height and nothing else). He could see the way Donnie's eyes focus in on the wound and hands move without question. There's no thought to it as he shuts down and pretends his twin isn't bleeding out right now. 

"Look at us, " Leo says.

Before he even gets to say anything, Donnie chimes in with, "Shut up." 

"Hey, I use humor to cope, you know this!" 

Donnie slaps a hand over his mouth, head ducked as he does so. If Leo didn't know any better, he would seear he saw tears slick up his cheeks. "Shut  _ up, "  _ he whimpers, "I'm  _ listening."  _

Leo doesn't say anything else, just shutting up as tears collect on his platrom. 

_ Ha. Stabbed by his own swords. _ That'll make a great bit one day! 


	2. Day 2 - bloody hands (day 1 - stabbed continuation)

Donatello can't get it out of his head. The sight of his hands stained with blood, the sounds of battle behind him, the sight of Leo's chest just barely rising and falling, even watching his beother's lips change color as his lungs strained to contain air. 

He was their unofficial medic. He had done scans of all of his family, gotten as much information as he possibly could have, even cross referenced human anatomy, turtle anatomy, and yokai anatomy (or at least those most similar to them), as well as taking Draxum's research and experiments into the fold. He's glad Draxum is there now, filling in for medic. Donnie doesn't think he could repair another broken bit of his siblings or father figures or friends without bursting at the seams. 

There had been so much  _ blood.  _

His brothers have seen a lot of blood. The amount of times Donnie has injured himself, how many times he's cracked his shell, the time Shedder damn near killed him by ripping apart his shell with no remorse… but Donnie felt the blood to be on his hands both metaphorically and literally. 

Leo had taken the hit for him, after all. 

Donnie's vision blurs with tears as he leans up, sitting in the bed and starting at his hands. 

There's blood on them, beneath his nails, but it's not Leo's blood. 

  
  


It's his own from the nosebleed he accidentally caused himself by slamming his head on a pipe above his bed. 

Yet he finds himself sobbing so hard at the reminder, sobs so rough and jarring that barely any noise is let out and it's a struggle to breathe. 

Arms wrap around him and a soft voice whispers reassurances to him, though it goes over his head and he can't focus on anything outside of the soft tone as he leans into whoever it is that's holding him, that's caring for him so as he breaks down. 

He's vaguely aware there are others in there, too. But he focuses on whoever's holding him, the warmth against his skin, the arms around his shoulders, the hand rubbing circles over his no-longer-smooth shell. 

Ralph holds him tight, letting his brother cry and finding himself immune to the blood. It's  _ Donnie. _ Donnie was so prone to injury that it wasn't new and being the "oldest", he had become so accustomed to disgusting things that it wasn't new. He's survived Mikey's weird food creations and Leo's odd habits, a heavy nosebleed is nothing. 

He's not the go to comfort for Donnie. Honestly, Donnie's go to comfort had to be his machines, his intentions. However, after Shelldon was destroyed with so many of Donnie's other incredible creations, well, there was unnoticeable difference in him once the dust settled and everything set in. And Raph would be damned is he didn't notice the way Donnie became so over protective of all of his inventions and the way he no longer used his battle shell as a shield, always terrified of everything. Metal against metal always made his expression go blank and eyes fall unfocused. It was terrifying to see the ghost of his brother around those triggers, drained of his life and body so tense. 

But now Donnie clings to him, sobbing and breathing skittishly, listening to Raph and nuzzling the side of his head without even thinking about it. Mikey's already left the room to get water and probably some crackers while Leo, who was healing fast thanks to their mutant genes, was getting towels and wetting a fee to clean the blood. 

" it's  _ my fault, " _ Donnie chokes out, "If Leo hadn't jumped in the way, he would be  _ fine! _ If my shell just  _ worked right-!" _ His voice gets choked off by a painful sob that rips through him and makes him voughz which turns into a disgusting gag. At least Donnie's eyes seem to  _ finally  _ be focusing. 

"It's not your fault, Donnie." 

Even since they were kids, no one has known how to handle Donnie's insecurities about being a softshell turtle. For fucks sake, his brothers had done nothing but make fun of him for it when they were kids, of  _ course, _ it's a permanent insecurity. 

"If my battle shell just  _ worked, _ if Shedder couldn't hurt me like that.." 

Ralph feels him shiver, but his cries seem to be slowing enough for him to talk. 

"Your battle shell works, Donnie. Shedder's armor has all that mystic magic crap to it, too. You can't account for unbreakable metal " 

It's a few moments before Donnie says anything else. And what he says makes it feel like  _ Raph _ was thenonr to be stabbed and not Leo. He tells him, "None of you  _ need me." _

. _ "Donnie, "  _ he says, bluntly asking,"What the hell are you talking about?" 

"You have mystic weapons. You have powers and you can all do col stuff. You don't  _ need  _ me for upgrades or protection. Draxum Is your medic now. In supposed to keep you all  _ physically  _ safe, but U cant even keep myself safe long enough to keep Leo from getting hurt." His eyes become distant as he pulls away. "I… I  _ need to be needed, _ Raph… And none if you need me at all…"

"We need you, " Rwoh says without meditation. "Who else knows how to handle Mikey's meltdowns? And who was the only one that knew how to twxh him things in a way he would understand? Who would make awesome inventions for us to train with? Who would keep up with Leo's snappy personality and think out his plans with logistics and correct them before we can even get to step two!" 

Donnie falls silent and Rwoh knows none of it is sticking in his head. Now isn't the time for this conversation. 

Soon, though, Raph will get it through his little brother'e heqd. 


	3. Day 3 - insomnia

Between the four band of brothers, all of them had some form of issue sleeping. Raph was a light sleeper, Leo had insomnia, so did Mikey, and Donnie constantly got nightmares. It wasn't uncommon for at least one to be up at all times, alternating shifts of restlessness. 

And Mikey finds himself awake right now, fingers fidgetting with the little bracelet around his wrist. It was one of the many little fidget toys Donnie had come up with, the gentle clicking of the lock on it calming for Mikey as he fiddled with it. He loved it, loved every single thing about it. 

But his mind has wandered a million different places tonight and using melatonin is pointless. He doesn't want any as he stands up, making his way out of his room and slowly walking to the kitchen. Maybe just a midnight snack will do? Or midnight meal, if he's feeling adventurous. 

However, the clanging in the kitchen and the soft whsiper of,  _ "Fuck," _ is enough to tell him  _ exactly _ who is in the kitchen. 

He pokes his head into the room raising a brow as he asks, "You okay, Dee?" 

Donnie looks back at him, eyes a bit wide before he relaxes, realizing its just Mikey and not their father. Fuck knows that would be a discouragement on the purple-coded teenager's behalf. 

"I'm fine," he says immediately after relaxing, "Did I wake you up? I'm sorry." 

And there's that soft tone he uses sometimes, the one that he uses when he's feeling bad over nothing, often times having followed nightmares or nights of heavy instrusive thoughts or worries. It's not that Mikey hadn't seen it, it was just that he knew exactly what it meant. His expression softens slightly as he steps into the room and he catches Donnie's eyes drift away, knowing the older of thr two has realized what Mikey has already. He unintentionally folds in on himself, adverting himself and moving to the fridge, glass in hand as he does so. 

"Do you want anything to eat," Mikey asks quietly, "I was thinking about making pizza rolls or something?" He wasn't, but it was nice to have a distraction for his brother. 

"Im fine, Mikey-"

"Yeah," the youngest interrupts with a smile, "that wasn't a choice and you know it." 

In a somber voice, Donnie accepts his fate. "Yeah, I really do know it." 

But Mikey can see the light smile on his lips and the way he relaxes somewhat, not minding as Mikey moves around the kitchen, collecting what he needs to make the pizza rolls. 


	4. Day 4 - "No, stop"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for rape/non-con elements. I will not put warnings for anything tagged officially on this fic, but I will put warnings for things like rape/non-con in the chapters they are on, thank you.

Of the four youngest Hamatos, there was an obvious barrier between those who did and did not have nightmares, as well as how often they would occur. The twins, who face nightmares commonly, at least once a month for each, and the oldest and youngest, who dream rarely and can never make sense of the images that plague their minds. 

But there was a difference between Donnie and Leo. Leo, whose nightmares were fake situations that he could sort out with Donnie, who knew the meanings behind his nightmares and always knew how to calm him down after them, and Donnie, who had nightmares damn near nightly and never spoke of them unless he absolutely _had to._

He usually becomes non-verbal after particularly bad ones, hands shaking and eyes unfocused but getting through what he has to until he can finally speak to someone without flinching at the noise. Even then, his voice stays low and he's quick to assume he was the one who messed up no matter the situation. And under normal ones, he acts the same as he always does, though none of them have reference to a time as to when Donnie _didn't_ act like himself, so prone to nightmares that the days he doesn't have them are more jarring than ever. Donnie was so painfully self conscious of times when he doesn't have them, when he's got pep in his step and smiles and even laughs at a handful of Leo's jokes, coming to find the scared version of himself more welcome than what could have been. 

It was so rare for him to seek comfort for it now, for something he considers so small. But that had to stem from all the times he had been told off by everyone for it, just children too oblivious to Donnie piecing together that problems he had were his own and no one else's. He was paranoid and took on too much responsibility since he was a child. He had once been the "crybaby" of their group, the softshell whose skin was most similar to human flesh, soft and lacking scales like his brothers' own, leaving him so vulnerable and constantly hurt. It would be a lie to say the others hadn't exploited that for their own benefit before, Leo especially, having not known any better for his bratty tendencies. Things had (somewhat) changed, though, and their dynamics, while still not the best between the twins, was progressively learning how to calm down and fall into place. 

It hadn't helped how many times Splinter had sent him away for seeking any form of comfort in him, both from physical pain and mental, destroying him at a young age. The boy who once felt too much now blanked when he needed to comfort another or anything of the sort. 

However, not _once_ had they ever heard Donnie scream during his nightmares, though the night terrors were so incredibly fickle. 

Or, so they had _thought._

His screams still ring through the new lair, Donnie's pleas filling their minds. It isn't quiet, the pure terror that fills his voice carrying and grating everyone's ears, waking them up so suddenly that it certainly is going to leave a mark. 

_"No, stop,"_ he screams so suddenly, making everyone jump. 

Raph damn near has a heart attack as he jumps up, lunging forward with Mikey hot on his heels. Raph's eyes blow wide with the panic set deep in his throat as he slams the door to his brother's room open with no remorse for the metal, almost denting it within his haste. 

Donnie's on the bed, curled up tightly in the blankets, all of which are swaddling him, wrapped around limbs. 

_"Donnie,"_ Mikey calls in a whine, moving forward but not daring touch him, hand hovering near him. 

Leo almost falls into the room as Raph makes his way forward, though the oldest brother's attention is focused more on his still comatose brother than the one who had just woken up, his eyes widening as he tentatively reaches forward, aware that saying Donnie's name isn't just going to wake him up. It never did when they were kids, it wouldn't now. 

However, the instant he touches Donnie's name, the middle turtle bolts up, letting out a noise of surprise that, quite frankly, hurt everyone's ears. The three all jump as Donnie pushes himself into the corner, flush against the wall and breathing hard, his blankets getting pulled to his chest. 

_"Donnie-"_

"Don't touch me," he says, his voice sharp and so full of terror that everyone's chests feel heavy. "Please, please, I already said no, I don't _want_ you to - to -" 

_"Donatello,"_ Raph says again, getting his attention somewhat. unfocused eyes fall on him, still clouded over with disorientation. "Donnie, it's _us._ I'm _Raph,_ Raphael. I'm your _brother._ I ain't gonna hurt ya." 

It takes a moment, but familiarity strikes his eyes about the time their father wanders in, looking at them with wide eyes. "Raph," he says in a whisper, eyes widening with surprise, body relaxing. "Where have you _been?"_

His brows furrow, one raising in confusing. "Where have I been?" 

"Yeah! Last I saw you, you were leaving. Where's April? Why isn't she with me? We were going to see Witch town and-" 

"Donnie, you're _banned_ from Witch town," Leo tells his twin. 

There's something about Donnie's expression, the smile to it, the slightly wide eyes, the raised brows, the... the shock to it that unsettles them. He holds his breath, staring at him for a moment before asking, "Leo, what'd you do? And Mikey? Where's Draxum?" 

_"Huh,"_ comes Mikey's own confused word. 

-

"it's called post traumatic stress disorder," Baron tells them with a soft sigh. "I suspect whatever happened during his time in Witch town or near it is what's traumatized him and the nightmare triggered the initial shock." 

Donnie's words haunt the man's mind, the way he had been so blank as he wrote down what happened on paper, that the little town he sought to protect had harmed his son so harshly. How could they have done such things to him? How could April have just... _never said anything?_

"Do you know what happened to him," Splinter asks, sounding hopeful. 

"Even if I did," he says with a shake of his head, lying, "I wouldn't tell you out of respect for Donatello." 

"But I am his _father-"_

"and if he hasn't told you this, it's for a reason, whether it be that he isn't comfortable with it or that he isn't ready to get it. I'm not going to tell you, as the issue does not pose an immediate threat to him and I am not going to betray him. he trusted the information to him and I will not tell anyone without his permission." 

After all, how do you tell someone their son was raped right in front of their best friend with a collection of yokai who did nothing but support the action, edging it on? 

He mentally shudders. 


	5. Day 5 - poisoned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kept losing flow bc im tired but nonbinary mikey

Honestly, the amiunt of times Mikey had avoided death was absolutely  _ hilarious.  _

Now, dont get them wrong, Mikey was  _ very _ aware of those times and they were not as oblivious to the trauma and whatever else came with it, no. No, Mikey was smart, even with their happy-go-lucky personality and ADHD. Mikey could best some of the best with no issue, obviously, it just took an extra bit of elbow grease and team work. 

However, the amiunt of times they've been poisoned  _ alone… _

More often than not, poison didn't actually phase Mikey. Turtle DNA, Donnie had once explained after Mikey had eaten a handful od poisonious mushrooms and the little fsmily had fretted over him for a while while Donnie did research to see if his youngest sibling would actually pass away or not. Obviously, Mikey hadn't. 

The only poison that ever really effected them stood to be mystic poison and whatever else that came from the yokai realm. It was fine, their stomach was quickly learning to adjust to whatever poison the three siblings had consumed from Meat Sweats, albeit in experimental doses with Donnie documenting everything down the whole time, entirely fixated on finding results and making for a fun afternoon of loopy parlor tricks and freaking Raph out (which they apologized for rwther profusely). 

But it weighs on them sometimes exactly how fragile the body could be. Mikey had so rarely ever been sick, but Donnie? Donnie had been on his metaphorical deathbed so many times between sickness and injuries that it was ungodly. Raph ended up sick pretty commonly, too, but only leaning on once a month instead of twice a week like Donnie had. And Leo mirrored Mikey's near perfect sickness record, having only gotten sick from their father and outside causes. 

It weighs on them when Donnie lays on the bed in their unofficial infirmary (aka the living room's too-large closet). He's pale and his body is way too hot, a wet rag on his forehead and soft whimpers leaving him every once in a while. It hasn't been April's fault she had spread the flu to him, she hadn't even known she had it herself just yet, only having a light headache. But now Donnie's got a high-grade fever and Draxum's done what he can with medication, telling the family to leave Donnie be to rest. 

It wasn't until two days later when fhey realized it was, in fact, not April's fault, but one of Witchtown's finest. Donnie was barely even breathing and Splinter was painfully ready to bury his son. Draxum had managed to figure out the poison and reverse it, but it still meant waiting and monitoring Donnie constantly to ensure he didn't pass in his sleep. 

Mikey wishes they could just pass their immune system to Donnie. Watching him learn how to build up his strength once more for basically being bed ridden for two weeks id painful and they're tired of seeing it happen. And they kind of wish they could stick it to Witchtown for still having a vendetta against Donnie despite him having gone out of his way to replace their statue as well as instal security measures they could never imagine and an abundance of other things. Witchtown held grudges, though, apparently, because Donnie is still heavi g through an upper respiratory infection that's harmed him significantly and his breathing is ragged and painful sounding. 

Mikey hates it. They always do. 


	6. Day 6 - Betrayal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rape/non-con and the aftermath as well as past abuse and non-con drug use
> 
> Also this is a human au and Donnie is trans (he always is in all my fics but its explicitly implied in this one)

Donnie frowns as he ealks home, burrowing deeper into the hoodie, his fists pressing into the pocket as tears fall doen his cheeks. 

His thighs are still wet, uncomfortable. His shorts stick to his skin and rub uncomfortably. He always hated chub rub. 

It's currently two in the morning and Donnie's certain Raph is going to throw a fit if Leo and Mikey don't tease him first. It felt like a walk of shame but a million times worse. He was asexual, after all. He'd never imagined doing anything more than holding hands or passing gentle kisses, yet he walked now, legs shaking and walking less than straight. Everything was still sp hazy and he feels like he'll throw up the bits of stomach acid remaining in his stomach if he so much as moves wrong. 

His shoes are in his hands and his hair is so messy that he wants to cry. April had taken  _ hours _ to help him style it and yet his hair had been ruined in seconds as he was forced to bend over a bed in a barely-there mind. 

Kendra had said it would be a small party, just a few of the programming kids from a couple other schools. Yet the party was overwhelmingly loud and Donnie kept his hands clasped.over his ears the whole time he was aware of what he was doing. The lights hurt his head and drinking what Kendra gave him had him passing out with memories that were both too detailed and too vague at once. 

He slinks into the home with trained practice, silent. However, Leo is there, already ready to berate his twin. Donnie hears his footsteps before he sees him, hands coming to clasp over hid ears, though Leo is leaping on him, putting his weight on Donnie's back as the older twin puts his shoes down at the front door, looking to replace them with slippers. It takes every bit of him not to just fold beneath his twin, body thrumming with mild horror and a level of fear he doesn't think he's ever known. 

"Donnie, staying out so late! And I thought  _ I _ was the troubel making tein!" 

_ "Shut up," _ Donnie whispers, trying to shake him off. It only works because he's leaningnup to get the slippers. 

However, Leo asks, "Huh, Donnie?" He leans in too close, moving to wrap his arms around Donnie's shoulders and leaning against him once more. This time, the older teen can't keep himself up, falling to the floor eith his tein falling atop him. 

"What the fuck,' Leo asks, moving to lean up, arms bracing him to lean over his twin. 

Finally, he can see the other's broken expression, the tears that stain his face and still fall, the scent of vomit on his breath, the bruises along his skin. His legs are open now, too, the scent of blood reaching both of theur noses. And Donnie chokes out through a sob,  _ "Shut up, Leo." _ It's q broken whisper as his hands come up, the balls of his palms pressing into his eyes ad he sobs. 

Leo moves away, not saying anything as he leaves his brother in a pile of shoes and fallen jackets. And Donnie doesn't have the motivation nor energy to lean up. He's never felt.more alone in his entire life as he curls in on himself. 

_ Fuck, _ Donnie doesn't wven want to be alive, as long as it means the ache between his legs stops reminding him of how weak and gullible he is. 

There are more footstpes and Donnie hears a voice he doesn't want to right now. Of all people, his fucking  _ dad _ was not someone he wanted to see him like this. What's he going to call him? What slurs are going to leave his mouth? Yes, his father was better at dealing with things in a non-traditional way, but Donnie was still raped snd the evidence was so incredibly  _ there. _ If he had a child, it would be outnof wedlock, he wouldn't be allowed to stay and-

"Purple, my son," Splinter says, repeating his words as he bends to his knees in front of the other. Donnie subconsciously curls up, shyinf away from him. "Come here, my child," he says in a soft tone, "No one is going to hurt you here, you're safe." 

And Donnie's so incredibly reluctant to move. His body aches and he doesn't have the motivation nor the energy, but he  _ needs _ to do this, the fear of what happens if hw doesn't flowing too deep not to move. 

He leans against the man, head on his shoulder. A hand pets his hair and he flinches violently at the touch, his scalp still sore wnd burning with the simple contact. The hand, thankfully, recedes and doesn't try again. 

The comfort, though, means nothing, unable to overwhel. The fear that's overtaken the teenager. 

He cried harder and knows it isn't taken the way it's intended. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thinking abt making an alt with the Betrayal prompt bc its one of my faves but i need to do the pther days, oof


	7. Day 7 - Kidnapping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for Medical trauma, implications of rape/non-con, and menstruation. Slight dysphoria with menstruation but its not too major. Also heavy PTSD and self hatred. 
> 
> Yes. I managed to shuffle in the disaster twins, trans donnie, autistic donnie, adhd mikey, nonbinary mikey, caring draxum, huginn and munnin, albino donnie, kinda shitty dad splinter, and a shit ton of other headcanons without fucking making a gigantic 5k word clusterfuck. Its only 2.2 k.

Is it bad to say that Donnie's never once felt comfortable with himself? 

Leo says that a lor, that he doesn't like himself and such. Baron had forced Splinter to get Leo a therapist, which was a bit odd, honestly, but he also made him get a therapist for Raph and Mikey, too, bitching about how Mikey shouldn't have to bare the mentalities of their brothers (Donnie knew he'd never tried to vent to Mikey, but he couldn't say the same about the others) and that Raph shouldn't have single-handedly had to have been leader since they were children simply because henwas the older and, even then, switching leadership to Leo with no context.whatsoever and hurting Raph like that would never be justified. Since, Leo and Raph mutually shared rights as leaders, both co-leaders and always managing to save their asses. 

Donnie hadn't gotten therapy, though. He hadn't asked for it. He didn't want to talk to anyone about his problems, so terrified of the one time he had tried to do so to a machine, said machine had turned evil, repeating his words back to him in a mocking tone, entirely too Steven Universe Future-esque for his liking. He hadn't even kept a journal since he was a child and Leo had found it, taunting Donnie with the knowledge for years until he eventually spewed about the words that Donnie hadn't been comfortable as a girl and always thought hw was the odd turtle out both for it and other things. To say the least, Splinter had been less than tolerable of it. The only reason Leo stopped teasing him was because.of the fights that pursued after, as well as how many times he saw.Donnie have to steel himself and take whatever bitching Splinter had. Any avoidance to eye contact was intolerable, which only made things worst. Things still had yet to settle in their relationship and Donnie's only ever heard his nane come out of his Dad's mouth  _ once. _ Its bitter againdt his mind. 

His head falls back on the chair as one of Big Mama's ex goons leaves the room. The words on the speaker stopped and Donnie knows hes got more than one captor. He has to. 

He doesn't know how long he's been here, so heavily drugged that he can't do much and losing hope of rescue. Actually, that had happened pretty fast in a flurry of self doubt and guilt, a broken realization that none fo them actually needed Donnie anymore. 

_ "You're the mutated mutqnt here," _ they had said as an explanation to why Donnie was the one being kidnappes and not his siblings,  _ "I'm sure you can do tha' math about the pretty penny we'll get for the turtle that outsmarted Big Mama and killed her most prized warrior."  _

His body is so ablaze with pain and fire courses through his veins. 

He tried thinking hapoy thoughts but they always ended.up turning so bitter. Times he'd spent just relaxing with his siblings no longer felt as warm as they once had, underlying memories apparent, bringing a broken haze to his mind as he disassociated. 

Donnie's never once liked himself the way his siblings love their selves. He's never felt like he fits in. He's been called the freak so many times that, quite.frankly, he thought it was his name when he was younger. He's a different species of turtles, his skin a whole dofferent tone, so pale, the genetic mutation of being albino getting carried over, red and blue eyes skimming the world since he was first hatched. He was a whole bundle of mutations and mishaps, being autistic and trans just another bit of things thwt seperated him from his siblings. 

He may hate himself, but he refuses to let that hatred carry over to his siblings. 

He loves them so much, April included. 

Mikey, who's so hapy and Donnie's practically raised since they were kids, both unintentionally and not. 

Leo, who, despite being roufh around the edges and having a "hostile" relationship with, Donnie would not hesitate to give his life.up for his twin just to ensure the other was safe. 

Raph, who has pritected Donnie physically and managed to keep him from getting a lot less ass whoopings from their father than he would have if not for the oldest stepping in constantly. 

And April, who has been his best friend since as long as he can remember and he loves with so much platonic passion, even grouping her in as a sister q with no second thought whatsoever. 

He loves his dads, too, even if he has a bad relationship with both of them. He'd still give his everything to guarantee ghey were safe. 

Which is why Donnie has so many accumulated wounds and a bloodstream full of drugs right now. They'd tried so many different things to get Donnie to confess, anywhere from truth-serum type drugs to even yokai magic, as well as once swindling Witchtown's lovely leader in an attempt to get him to confess the whereabouts of his family, especially Draxum and Splinter. 

Donnie hadn't said a thing to them. It's amazing, in a hilariously ironic way, that years of being mute has caused him to be where he is now, to having said absolutely  _ nothing _ to them. His mouth stayed shut and the only thing they got was an occasional whimper or groan. He'd faced so much, this was  _ nothing.  _

Af least it had been up until now, Donnie's lungs burning as he forces air in and out. Taking a metal bat to the soft shell and spine tends to fuck people up. 

He doesn't have anything to help him. He's long since lost his tech bo, thaf having been discarded fprever ago. Between that and the drugs, he doubts he could focus long enough to do anything, anyway. And his powers stopped working. Not because he didn't love his family and trust them, he really did, he just also trusted that they didn't need him and would be fine without him, easily cardying on. 

His spine is fucked, he knows, and he isn't going to make it long if the heavy amounts of blood oozing out of thr caved in shell are an example. How long has he been here? How long has static been screeching in his ears? How long has his body felt so numb? 

He can hear things outside of the room, loud things that muffle together, so vague and incredibly distant from his mind. When had his uterus ached so bad? Had they done something to it? He's never bleed from it likr he is now. He thought menstruation was a human thing, not a mutated turtle thing. More layinf eggs ehen the seasond change stuff, after all. 

The door opens, light flickering into the room. Donnie closes his eyes and braces himself as much ad he can for the crackle of the speaker that would inevitably folloe. He always hatef the little screech of feedback it would give. 

Ghe screech never comes. Instead, he hears his brother's relieved,  _ "Donnie, _ you're alive!" 

His eyes blink at the noise and instead of responding to the blue-coded twin of his, he scoffs and lets his head fall back once more. He'd lost all hope the first time they staged an escape, mind playinf tricks on him as well as his kidnappers. It had been the final nail in his coffin. Given that he had been given another handful of injections before the yokai left him to himself, he couldn't find himself to believe the other. Or, more so, that this wasn't fake and he was actually being saved. 

"Donnie?" 

"You're being too nice to be real," Donnie says, eyes still on the ceiling. "Leo wouldn't be happy I'm alive and use that as his opening. He would probably ask if I come here often or how I got myself tangled up into this mess. These fake rescues are pretty dull at this point." 

He doesn't look at Leo. He can't find it in himself to. 

"I'm going to sleep. If I don't bleed out, wake me up next torture session, this place is boring, even with all the drugs im on." He closes his eyes and doesn't wait for a response. 

-

Donnie opens his eyes to bright lights. He hates being woken up to bright lights. They're honestly annoying and make his eyes hurt. 

He's laying on his stomach, though,.which is new. And his body doesn't feel so heavy. It feels hot, yes, but he knows infections do that to people. He slams himself uo, positioning himself.to his knees, breathing coming quick. He glances around the room, terrified of whatever he'll find. 

He finds Raoh, who's looking at him with wide eyes, attempting to move towards.him. "Hey, Donnie. It's okay, just calm down and breathe right now-" 

"Go  _ away," _ Donnie says, his arms coming up ans backing up. He falls ontot he floor and it jostles everything. It takes a lot of self control now to shout out of as he fumbles backwards,.somehow getting settled beneath a large chair. His eyes clamp shut and his hands press to his ears as his knees oress flush to hsi platrom. "The fake rescues were.fine bjt fake recovery after is so stupid. I should have just punched Leo or something." Tears flood down his cheeks,.movingnto put his head on hid knees. If not for his injuries, he probably would have just pulled himself into his shell. "Stop wasting resources on fake stuff! Just  _ stab me _ or something! Make this my own personal Hell, I don't care! Im not telling you where the lair is and this fake ass.trick won't get you answers, either"

Unfortunately, its only the first of hundreds of times he'll wake up like this, much to his family's painful disbelief. 

-

"You were gone for months," Leo admits months laters, once they've almost reached a.year.and Donnie's nightmares of the worst have dimmed down somewhat. The twins turn sixteen soon. "Five, almost six months." 

Donnie looks up at thw sky without a comment. Him talking was so rare nowadays. He mostly just listens when he isn't absolutely losing himself in a meltdown or panic attack. 

He hates how scratchy his voice is. Who knew he had damaged his voice box so much? 

"We didn't think you were alive. You know, those whole Street Smarts statistics you taught us when we were kids, don't go to a second locationx the first twenty-four hours are the most important, et cetera." 

Donnie cracks a small smile at the memory. Its not bitter anymore, not really. 

"Mikey cried so much and so did Raph. April started just beating shit up with her bat, which Casey joined in on a lot, too. Even Dad started calling you your name and Draxum did so many undergroud deals to find out where you were with the help of his little gargoyle dudes, who found you first, apparently." 

"Huginn and Muninn?" Donnie asks in a whisper. He likes the twox even if they're q bit annoying and dull. They add extra commotion to the day and don't act like they're walking on eggshells around him. 

"Yeah." 

They're both quiet for a moment. Leo isn't sure what to say and Donnie never does, either. 

The dynamics changed after Donnie got his memory back of everything. He blocked so much out mentally but once he finally overcame the mental hurtle in Donnie's amazing spite-like fashion, he was subjected to horrors that stripped him of so much. 

He always hated doctors eith a passion for their shitty practices and misdiagnoseses and a million different reasons but now hr had so much medicsl trauma that not even Baron would be able to subject him to a check up. After all. He'd been subjected to so many surgeries in an attempt to place his biology and find out what makes him tick. His ovaries had been damaged beyond repair, not that Donnie wanted kids,.no, not afted Shelldon was destroyed. That hurt him in ways.he didn't think anyone who hadn't lost a child could imagine. 

He bleeds now, has periods like a human would, aches.horribly when the seasons change. They're changing now and Donnie's body is less than happy as he bleeds.onto a sanitary napkin in his underwear. He had cried when April tried to be the one to break it to him that he was menstruating. He cried so hard he threw up and passed out, unable to handle that. Apparently, it had something to do with sexual maturity or something that, apparently, Donnie just hadn't reached yet. Not until after rhe flood of hormones after the butchered surgery, at least. 

"What're yout hinking about, Don," Leo adks as he lays beside his twin. 

"Hurts," he answers simply, a hand coming down to gesture at the vague area of his lower stomach. 

"Do you need anything?" 

He shakes his head in a simple _ no. _ He's fine, he'll be fine. It'll hurt and bleed for a while in heavy amounts but he's okay. He can handle it. 

Leo nods and doesn't say anything else, just looking up at the stars. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: i won't write anything over 1k for a oneshot in a collection, especially a drabbles collection. I'll just post it as a seperate fic if i do. 
> 
> Also me, staring this down: ha

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave likes and comments! If you particularly liked my fic, here's my Discord server!  
> https://discord.gg/eGkwayy


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